To me it was a psychological death, to leave my wife and family and to begin life in my 50th year (footnote 1) in a new land of which I knew nothing. And the prospect as set out by the Canadian Government were rosy; 160 acres of land, where were schools, roads, churches etc., and no taxes, seemed all favourable, and would have been had it been true – and it may have been true in some respects in some localities, but not where I settled down. True, there were no taxes, until you went on to the land, but when you did of course taxes [109] commenced at once; true, they were light to begin with, but as there were no roads and no schools and no church – in fact, no nothing but the land - all utilities had to be got and paid for, hence higher taxes (footnote 2). There were roads to be made, and we not only had to pay for them, but work on them; of course we were paid for our work, but I had to spare the time in Summer, when I ought to have been on the land all the time.
One thing I thought, was that I should have no human interference between me and what a bountiful providence would send; but oh, how mistaken!
I had been brought up in a religious atmosphere, had been taught not only to pray, but the daily reading of the scriptures and family prayer was the order of the day when I was a child; my father and mother were both believers – their lives witnessed to it. Under such conditions I not only prayed about everything, but believed that what I prayed for would be given. [110] I also believed that persons in want or difficulties could have surmounted both by prayer. Also, I remember I answered “yes” to the question by an evangelist “Do you love Jesus?” The life of Jesus as set forth in the New Testament is enough to capture the imagination, admiration, and yes even love and discipleship of all, and especially young and unsophisticated persons. Yes, I prayed about everything, and of course under the guidance and protection of my parents, things were to me all right. I learned the Anglican catchecism and the Commandments and the collects, and I said them to the clergyman in the church, also the Apostles Creed and read the Nicean and St Anasthasian creeds, but we were never asked to recite them.
Also in the Baptist Church I witnessed the ordinance of Believer’s Baptism and the Lord’s Supper, both of them correct according to the New Testament, and when the Bible was read. I always thought the promises were for me as a believer, and all would always be well. I had great confidence; [111] in fact, nothing daunted me – I was bound to succeed, and when I read the first Psalm I applied the first part to myself. I kept away from the ways of the world, neither did I sit in the seat of the scornful, and whatsoever I should do, I believed, would prosper. And then the latter part, describing the ways of the ungodly, would not, could not, apply to me – or so I thought.
But when my business failed, and I had no expectation of being able to support my family – they had to leave school and endeavour to earn their own living. And I had to get to the other side of the world – something was wrong, or I had been mistaken, or my interpretation of things had been at fault. It is easy to err – I was only a human being, and fallible.
Transcriber’s footnotes:
1. Between 1905 and 1906.
2. Aunt Olive, his daughter, describes the disappointment even more forcibly (click to follow link).
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